More Food Tracking
No matter how much I wish it away... it's here. My little monkey has allergies & symptoms to foods that I'm eating. Surprisingly enough, I have been in denial & tried burying my head in the sand. Shocking!
No, not really.
Disappointed.
Yes, very much.
Lil Miss is 4 months old & I cannot ignore it anymore. It's not fair to her. I have to cut things out of my diet or as a friend calls it Life Eating. Let's get away from that nasty D word - diet. I've known since she was born that things were bothering her system. It started with the pain meds. Even the medicines that are deemed "safe" while breastfeeding - I can't take. If I do, she gets horrible gas pains that put her through the roof. So, I do without.
You'd think if I could go without pain meds, cutting out the offending foods would be a piece of cake (thankfully, I haven't lost my sense of humor)! It's not that easy for a food addict like me to cut out coffee, dairy, sugar, apples and others yet to be figured out. I have to find my resolve and bid some of my favorites good-bye.
I've been trying.
I'll go days without & her stuffy nose, profuse spitting up, diaper rash and eczema clear up. Then, I fall off the wagon & binge or try different types of things like the coffee. Some coffees have instantaneous effects & others not so fast.
Trying to figure out where & how much I can cheat just takes too much energy. If I cut it out completely, I could spend my time more productively. Instead, I spin my wheels looking for ways around eliminating the food.
Why?
Because I'm attached to the food and false comfort it provides. Because binging on sugar is sedating enough to put me to sleep. Because my comfort foods soothe & lull me to a temporary place of peace on days that the kids are high maintenance. Because what I eat is my way of feeling in control when surrounded by chaos.
But then...
...it's a vicious cycle!
I firmly believe in the benefits of breastfeeding. And have actually considered switching Lil Miss to formula. Not a light decision. Thinking that I can then eat whatever I want without affecting someone else's well-being. And in turn lowering my stress level. Not having to figure out when to pump & whether or not my bad neck can handle it or if it's too close to when she needs to eat. Yada, yada, yada. The justifications roll off the tongue quickly.
But it's very flawed thinking. Because on the flip side...
...there's no guarantee that Lil Miss will tolerate formula. After all, her sibling didn't. She's already displaying allergies & breastfeeding helps build a stronger immune system because of the antibodies in the mom's milk. And decreases my risk for cancers & aids in weight loss among other things. So continuing to breastfeed is beneficial to both of us. While I don't like giving up control of my diet, it's something I must do. I need to start Life Eating.
I'm seriously considering going on kiddo's Life Eating menu. A paradigm shift is in order for my mental attitude. Maybe with that the vicious cycle can be broken. Who knows - maybe my health would improve, too.
